As the years go by, I still meet Great Relationship people who think a good relationship is about meeting the right person, but not in the sense of being emotionally available, culturally fit, reflective, and willing to test kitchen countertops other than slicing carrots.
It is more than that.
Such people say that there is no point in reading about relationships, needs and communication, because there are people for whom you don’t need it. When they meet someone like that, the relationship will be like a never-ending rainbow ride without drugs. They will feel exactly the same to each other, DilMil.co at the same time and with the same intensity, so no one will think for a moment, “Nah, this is happening too fast.” Quarrels will not exist and their inner angels and demons will tango with each other.
This kind of thinking has one advantage – it focuses on creating relationships that are as beautiful as vacation photos. This is a good start, but is that enough?
I don’t think so.
For it to work out, you still need the right attitude, knowledge and skills.
1. Even the best have problems
It’s clear that there are people who are more and less suited to you. For some, the word “relationship” is enough to make them panic and search for deals on a ticket to Mexico. Other people may have so many unresolved issues and problems with themselves that each day together will be like working in an asbestos mine.
On the other extreme, however, there are no people who are completely trouble-free. If only because relationships are not entered into with a clean slate. You enter with your prejudices, expectations and an upbringing that is never perfect. Sometimes it’s bad because you had to fight for everything, other times because you never had to do it. Sometimes you had too much freedom, sometimes you had too little. Some have problems because they felt unloved and others because they were loved too much.
The facts are that we are all corrupt and crooked somehow. When you look at an attractive, resourceful guy or a cute, confident girl, you forget it, but it doesn’t make other DilMil people’s patterns disappear. You just don’t see them yet, but problems, conflicting expectations, or ordinary misunderstandings are inherent in every relationship, and each must be resolved.
2. Lack of problems is often the result of knowledge
I have one friend that is like a powder keg. Any pretext is enough for her and she starts screaming. She has the feeling that she will not be heard, so her conversations start with resentment. As a result, her first relationship broke up. She started screaming and then her guy started screaming too. They both watered every quarrel with their grudges, and in the end they didn’t even know why they were arguing. The pile of unsolved problems grew, and eventually it was easier to set off in the smoke than to stack.
Now she is in a different relationship. When something doesn’t suit her, she does what she did before – she starts screaming. However, her new guy doesn’t answer the same. He just smiles and says,
“Look, let’s talk about this.” What should be changed to be ok?
And she doesn’t need to scream anymore, say that he doesn’t understand her, or feel hurt. They just solve the problem.
You can look at different people and judge them as appropriate and inadequate, but often the difference is that the right ones know how to cope.
3. Falling in love is easy, love has to be built up – Great Relationship
Nature played a trick on people. It is a feeling of being in love. is automatic. It doesn’t depend on your will. You meet someone who makes all the emotional diodes in your body go crazy. Is beautifully. Being together does not make any effort to you. It takes a year, then the second and third. You think to yourself, “Whoah, and building a relationship was supposed to be so complicated!”
In fact, the chemistry of love burns out after 3-4 years. That’s when the problems start. The relationship turns out to be boring. You don’t remember why you started being with someone. The predetermined arrangement begins to hurt because he feels in a cage in it, and she is unhappy. You get to know the other person anew and it is often a completely different person.
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This dimple is not eternal. According to research, if you survive it, you can build a very successful relationship for the years to come. However, it doesn’t depend on whether you got confused or whether it was easy to start being with that person. To stay in a relationship, you need skill, good conversations, honesty, empathy, and conscious effort.
For this reason, you should count on having the best relationship ever, but also be prepared for problems to come.
Not only because worse times will almost certainly come, but also because a lot of people spit on their chins because they didn’t know something before, but nobody blames themselves for knowing too much.